The Monster

This is hell

Fine.

Do you know why?

No. Of course not.

I’m done talking now

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I know this is hard

I don’t want your fucking sympathy

Is it okay to let it all out?

No. Of course not.

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I swerved recklessly

Alone, not quite sane

Not quite straight

Could I have saved her?

No. Of course not.

Welcome to my hell.

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Deep breath

RUN

The demons are coming

Tripping, falling, breaking

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Hit high

Fall low

Oh god

Save me

Hell no

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I’d have gotten lost

Most definitely

Weaving, grasping

Being.

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Wounded heart

Need a bitter drink

Of the monster

This poem is not written in my own words. It was a writing assignment for my creative writing class. We had to take something ordinary, like a newspaper or a book, and turn it into a poem. I chose to use one of the books in the Crank series by Ellen Hopkins.

All Of

All of those nights lying next to you

all of the things I thought were true

All of the “I love yous” shared

all of the times I thought you cared

All of the memories that will never fade

all of the love we made

All of the things I thought

all of the lessons taught

All of the pain I felt

all of the misery dealt

All of the tears that were shed

all of the times I wished I were dead

All of the cuts created

all of the love, tainted

All of the lies told

all of the nights spent cold

All of the times I faked it

and in the end we didn’t make it

This poem is personal to me because it is about one of my relationships that meant a lot to me. This particular relationship was a struggle and even though it wasn’t the greatest relationship, it was one I didn’t want to give up on. What I am trying to say in this poem is that I put so much into the relationship and in the end it wasn’t enough.

Warrior

I’ve been cast out, sequestered

Pushed the fuck around

I’ve been blindsided, beaten, locked up and bound

I have wounds that still fester

But I live with no regrets

And now I’ve found my life is just a test

I’ve been treated like an animal since the day I was born

My life is full of longing, but for what I’ll never know

It’s like my life is worth nothing, like it’s a fucking show

I’ve been broken down, thrown away and now I’ve found I’m worn

I feel the rage and I just can’t hold it back

I need to get my life on track

Surrounded by my sin, I think this might be the end

I’ve found that I’m smothered by my skin

And that I’ll never fucking win

So I’ll just do what I do and make the most of it

I’ll find a way not to give a shit

This poem uses lines from some of my favorite songs. I basically used certain lines from the songs and added my own lines when I felt it was appropriate. The songs used are Moth-Hellyeah, The Death of Me-Asking Alexandria, Another Bottle Down-Asking Alexandria

If...

If your memories could stop haunting me,

If the pain of your absence would stop taunting me,

Maybe then I could begin to feel okay.

If your voice would stop following me,

If my head would stop repeating the things that you have said,

Then maybe I could begin to find my way.

If the feeling of your touch would stop lingering,

If I could just begin to forget the color of your eyes,

Maybe then I could move on.

If I could stop feeling this agony,

If I could forget the love I felt for you,

Then maybe living life wouldn't feel so wrong.

Do You Know the Feeling?

Do you know the feeling?

When you're listening to your music, blocking out the world, and suddenly the music stops.

All you can hear is the dull reality that is life.

And you just long for that distraction, scrambling to disappear once again from the real world.

And when that music begins again,

You can't help but feeling relief.

Monsters

See,

I have these monsters residing inside of my head.

Some days, they like to come out and play.

They taunt me, they consume me.

They give me a sense of dread.

I have these monsters,

Sometimes they like to get in my way.

Sometimes they like to go into hiding,

Making me believe that I'll be okay.

Then they appear out of thin air,

Making life unable to bear.

These monsters are always lurking,

Threatening to abuse me.

I've began to learn to live with them,

I've began to figure out how to silence them.

I'm Tired

You know,

I'm tired of people asking me if I'm okay.

I'm tired of feeling.

I'm tired of living.

Of being me.

I'm tired of these monsters inside of my head.

And I'm tired of constantly trying to find a way out.

Of hitting dead ends everywhere I turn.

I'm sick and tired of these thoughts.

Of feeling like I'm better off dead.